Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
