I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize