After last night, I could never be a politician.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
