I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize