i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I bet he comes in French.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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