i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
