woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
