shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
