I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
