I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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