Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
