I just gift wrapped bread.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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