I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
