no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
