Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
this is an emotional support booty call
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
