bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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