We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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