he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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