I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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