the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i think i scared a bird with my dick
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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