My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize