Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
