i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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