If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
