I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
