Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
