I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
