the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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