Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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