This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
