We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
