THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
