I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
