am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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