you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
