That's when you crack a 10am beer
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
we're so committed to being not committed
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
