These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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