Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
