Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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