In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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