today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
