Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
