so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
