Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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