The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
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