oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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