well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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