Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
