Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
