everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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