She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
