i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
