i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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