i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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