I can't watch pbs sober anymore
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
