i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
