bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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