My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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