my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
