what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
