goodnight i made you a song goodbye
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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