When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
