I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize