Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
