I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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