Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
