I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
