i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
