Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
