The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize